king back

finally have a moment's respite after four straight days of school. figured that this self-imposed free day would come in handy, and lo and behold, it hasn't even been a complete week of school (still have a couple more classes to go to for the first time) and i'm already finding myself wanting to stay home and bum. ironic, when i can clearly remember being so annoyed at all the isolation i had during summer.

if you're a follower of my plurk/twitter, you'd know that i've been bitching about the insane SLEX traffic lately, which, on another strange note, let up a little this morning, when i can also clearly remember being stuck in worse traffic at the same time the other day when i actually left the house earlier. (i credit fast & furious for the magical traffic miracle). if anything, this has turned me off from commuting the most - i do not wish to be 30 minutes late for a class i left extra early for, ever again. ever.

other than that school's been okay. still getting used to the schedule. classes seem fun, though i fully expect to be thoroughly hassled in J101. looking forward to saturday [morning] classes, fuck what ya heard.

this journey's all us, friends. i suspect we'll be needing each other more than ever.

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Now playing: T.I. - Stand Up Guy
via FoxyTunes

if only life were as sweet as a duane allman guitar solo

i should be sleeping now, for tomorrow marks the unofficial start of college life once again - held on pause for roughly a month at least, out of my own choosing to eschew summer classes. eventually i'll have to give in to that toxic setup, but that's a bridge to be crossed when i finally come across it next year.

so, what have i accomplished this summer?

nothing. absolutely nothing.

as the days slowly drew summer to a close the other week, i came up with the thought of actual regret for not taking summer classes. anything, i reasoned, would be better than sitting on my duff 6 out of 7 days a week (that seventh day is usually myself and the lady meeting somewhere, somehow, from the malls to her house) and overthinking the hell out of my mind. it was, largely, another summer of boredom and loneliness, and as i sit here late at night, dreading the trip to school and the entire enrollment process (among other fish i am forced to have to fry) tomorrow, regret, all of it, wells up and hits me. hindsight is, after all, always 20/20.

of course, i am to remember this summer when summer comes around next year, just as i reminisce about last summer this summer. that summer, spending late nights slaving away on world of warcraft (funny how i still miss it now), consuming cup after cup of microwaved chocquik during said slaving, cooking for the family while mother gets to be in canada, just plain being a sad soul. but it was fun, and easier, because i didn't have much to worry about like i do now. most worries still remain the same, but some new ones have added themselves to the roster. well, we live and we learn.

i have learned, in my life, that things always, if not most of the time, turn out better than i fear them to be; however, this has never stopped my mind from dreaming up the worst circumstances and consequences possible. i wish i could just stop it from functioning altogether, because it really just hinders my ability to just live. this is why i come to you now, speaking of regret and reminiscing, as if the words that will soon be printed and spread electronically would help in alleviating anything. well, it does do a bit of good, and it never hurt to try.

anyway, despite feeling fatigue in these tired bones, i'm pretty sure i'll be spending a good amount of time tossing and turning before i finally drift away, and i expect my sleep to keep being broken up due to me continually checking the time on the VCR, to know if it's okay to sleep a few more or to just wake up and get it over with.

i think i need some caffeine in my life. oh, and i'm a little hungry. wonder if i should get a post-midnight snack before i try and hit the hay.

P.S. there is actually a lyricwiki! life just gets better.

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Now playing: The Allman Brothers Band - Blue Sky
via FoxyTunes

6940

another year has come and gone, and when this happened last year, i hadn't planned on having the life that i have now. funny how 12 full months change a lot, and my only birthday wish is that the next 12 months don't turn out for the worse. that's it. i'll be happy.

anyway, while we're celebrating life, i'd like to make an update to the list of things i'd like to do before i die. this update consists of:

- traipsing around new york and/or chicago in the wee hours of the night/morning, when the city is asleep, the night breeze is blowing, and the street lights are at their brightest
- playing with my baby while all the leaves are on the ground during autumn
- and on that note, snowball fight!
- be able to throw a football in any chicago park again
- achieving peace of mind
- making a living out of something i love
- and on that note, stepping in between the ropes at least once
- and on that note, running the first legit rasslin school in the philippines =))

yeah, that's it. night, fellas. thank you to those who've greeted, and will still greet me. much love to you all.

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Now playing: Brad Paisley - We Danced
via FoxyTunes

live how i wanna live, die how i wanna die

If It All Ended Tomorrow - John Cena

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Now playing: Eminem - No Apologies
via FoxyTunes

i'm reaching out for you

it's been a while since i made something for myself.
don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful.

(that's not its real size, by the way.)
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Now playing: Rev Theory - Voices
via FoxyTunes

summertime blues

this morning i installed all of starcraft, after coming to the quick conclusion that downloading it again was most probably a good idea. (it was.) now i'm going to play through the entire campaign series again, hopefully finishing it before school begins on the 9th (if UP could really afford to start it on the 9th).

in a span of at least two hours, i've blazed through 80% of the first terran campaign. granted, its difficulty level is a traditional slope upwards, and being the first campaign in the game EVER it's going to be hella easy, but that was something i could never have accomplished without cheating ten years ago, when the game was still relatively fresh.

i think it's funny how we, as children, easily resort to cheats. while yes, some if not most of us do grow out of it easily (with a few exceptions *cough*rodney*cough*), it's still pretty amusing that we actually found it fun to play with cheat codes. sure, cheating will get you stuff you literally couldn't get in a real game, and would totally advance you faster. however, nowadays, whenever i get too far in a game too easily (i.e. become too rich in a Sims household in just one sitting), i easily get bored and find that i start wanting to play something else.

i now wonder how, back then, i cheated and still lived with starcraft for a long time, without ever getting bored with the same old units and buildings. (okay, maybe me being a proficient, but not skilled, staredit tinkerer played a big part in that.)

i've concluded that i really do easily become bored with most things nowadays. i find myself quickly moving on from one thing to another, always trying to find something that could fight for my interest. the last game that really, truly held my interest was ff12, but i finished that game a month ago, and sadly, it doesn't do well enough to make me pop it back in and try to complete it 100%. here i am, always on the lookout for something new (or old) to play or do. hopefully, i can see starcraft through to the end.

most of the time, i keep hoping that my penchant for becoming too easily bored doesn't manifest itself in the things that really matter more. like, you know, relationships. thus, i find myself fighting and fighting and fighting for interest, by doing this and that, going out to places that include UP and their house, and by doing this, i find that i've done quite a good job of keeping not only myself, but other people entertained. pats on the back are in order for dealing with it.

now... i do wonder if i've made an iota of sense at all. if so, then awesome. if not, thanks for bearing with me anyway.

hopefully, little blog, i won't become bored with you.

'round midnight

it's 1 am and it's the silent kind of night. doing nothing but browsing my usual haunts; forums, plurk, blogs, stuff like that. my favorite webcomics haven't updated yet, crs hasn't decided to become useful again yet, i have to wait real time for MMA tycoon... yeah, life is slow. slower. i'm not feeling sleepish yet.

i'm a little on the fence for school coming again. part of me wants to break the monotony that my summer life currently is... but that means getting into a new monotony; the monotonous but hectic noise that school is. sometimes i could just sit back and try to be really, truly happy with all of it. the sad part is, most of the time, i'm really not.

a few days back, my homie hustle posted this column (go check it out, i made the banners. don't worry, this edition is not obviously that much about wrestling; it's kind of accessible enough) and, i have to admit, he really does a kickass job of putting into perspective and words some shit i go through or feel or agree with. in this case, he successfully manages to echo and verbalize my personality, while making eminem's beautiful even more personally relatable, to a degree (i'm not really a pained celebrity wishing to trade shoes with the common man).

in a nutshell, i am depressed, and i really don't know what i have to do to get out of this slump. i know that i'm truly happy with my love right now... but i find that i'm still depressed. i think too much. with regards to specific recent events, i'm a little fearful of my future now. i'm always assuming that the worst-case scenario is coming true, and that has hindered my ability to live and enjoy life from day to day, because i must always be bothered by my foresight, and that foresight always manages to twist what could be and what is. sometimes, really, sleep is the only escape, but then i get really weird dreams that kind of bother me in the morning.

most of the time i just dream of having a true fresh start, the kind that has eluded me and my family every now and then. sometimes we come close, but fate wouldn't deal its good hand just yet. soon, we hope. at the same time, i have qualms about (trying to) uproot myself, yet again. although, a bigger part of me really wants that do-over. we'll cross the bridge when we get there.

i guess, to put some blame for all of this, i can only point fingers to my father, who inevitably rubbed off his traits on me. you see, he has this thing for always being prepared, and always assuming the worst. the latter has led him to become a continually paranoid and negative kind of person, always obssessing and minding the worst that can happen, down to the littlest things that one is taught to just shrug off and forget in the end. that trait plus years of watching and idolizing house had rubbed off on me, and what was once an optimistic little boy has now become a jaded man who has thought everything out well, but is losing the ability to just live, enjoy, and ultimately, forget.

can that boy be salvaged? probably, but i haven't the slightest idea how.

so to the people who walk with me and share my joy, much love to you. to my lady who has put up with so much shit from me, i love you so much. you don't realize that every last one of you keep reminding me why life is to be lived and not really to be thought about.

and maybe i should just rest my tired old bones. it's almost 1:30. good night.

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Now playing: Miles Davis - Blue In Green
via FoxyTunes

everyone has a private world

welcome back to my blogspot. it's been a while, and i find that i could never really close you down. consider yourself lucky, little journal, you've got years' worth of history on you.

so what's new?

i had a blog all written up in my head already, but at this point in the night i don't have much energy left to think and scribe. maybe tomorrow night. just checking up on you, little blog.