roll call

if you're reading this, no matter who you are, please click on that comments link down there and state your name and a simple hi. thanks. :P please. it doesn't matter who you are; just say hi if you're reading this, whatever the purpose. thanks again.

the pain doesn't hurt but it's really much worse than i thought

so the class lists are out. i ran through them over and over again, and i really can't find my name. some suggest that it's crossed out, but there's no name crossed out in the right place. i don't know. maybe noy knew enough not to list me anymore.

it hurts, when i think about it. it hurts because on june 5, everybody else will start their last first day of school, while i'm sitting around at home, rotting. my eyes begin to well up whenever i think about it. and come march 2007, everyone else that i know and love will graduate, while i rot, because i'll graduate in the year 2008.

it hurts enough to make me want to cry.

God, why must it be like this? i'm going to graduate with people i don't know and love as much as i do back at home. it's not the same.

i feel like there's someone for me to blame and hate for this.

bad and good news

the bad news: i'm lonely and homesick.

the good news: i just saved money on car insurance! (yeah, you won't probably get it.)

i can breathe for the first time

it's been one of Sigmund Freud's theories that if you live your life with your anger all bottled up inside, not only will you die early, but you will have the tendency to become violent later in life. in this house, there is no way i can loudly release anger (by slamming doors and hitting walls) because quite frankly, it's contagious, especially with my high-tempered mother.

so i just stick with tekken. it's already proven in past occasions that if i'm playing tekken while i'm angry, i win more. especially against those warlords, conquerors, and tekken lords in the hard difficulty.

and it's also funny how going to church works.

well, maybe it really wasn't because of church itself, but probably because of my everlasting trait - i don't really get angry for a long time. but if i come to think about what made me angry in the first place, there i go again.

what really got me angry today is something i can't talk about for now. sorry. but i'm glad i did what i did before.

i can breathe for the first time

it's been one of Sigmund Freud's theories that if you live your life with your anger all bottled up inside, not only will you die early, but you will have the tendency to become violent later in life. in this house, there is no way i can loudly release anger (by slamming doors and hitting walls) because quite frankly, it's contagious, especially with my high-tempered mother.

so i just stick with tekken. it's already proven in past occasions that if i'm playing tekken while i'm angry, i win more. especially against those warlords, conquerors, and tekken lords in the hard difficulty.

and it's also funny how going to church works.

well, maybe it really wasn't because of church itself, but probably because of my everlasting trait - i don't really get angry for a long time. but if i come to think about what made me angry in the first place, there i go again.

what really got me angry today is something i can't talk about for now. sorry. but i'm glad i did what i did before.

goodbye, my friend, it's hard to die

to kick off my "five days of goodbye", here's a song that will serve as my "general goodbye" to those whom i will not say farewell specifically on my LJ.

seasons in the sun - nirvana

Goodbye to you my trusted friend
We´ve known each other since we
Were nine or ten
Together we´ve climbed hills and trees
Learned of love and abc´s
Skinned our hearts and
Skinned our knees

Goodbye my friend it´s hard to die
When all the birds are singing
In the sky
Now that spring is in the air
Pretty girls are everywhere
Think of me and I´ll be there

We had joy we had fun we had
Seasons in the sun
But the hills that we climbed were
Just seasons out of time

Goodbye Papa please pray for me
I was the black sheep of the family
You tried to teach me right from wrong
Too much wine and too much song
Wonder how I got along

Goodbye Papa it´s hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
Now that the spring is in the air
Little children everywhere
When you see them I´ll be there

We had joy we had fun we had
Seasons in the sun
But the wine and the songs like the
Seasons have all gone

We had joy we had fun we had
Seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song like
The seasons have all gone

Goodbye Michele my little one
You gave me love and helped
Me find the sun
And every time that I was down
You would always come around
And get my feet back on the ground

Goodbye Michele it´s hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
Now that the spring is in the air
With the flowers everywhere
I wish that we could both be there

We had joy we had fun we had
Seasons in the sun
But the hills that we climbed were
Just seasons out of time

We had joy we had fun we had
Seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song like the
Seasons have all gone

We had joy we had fun we had
Seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song like the
Seasons have all gone

We had joy we had fun we had
Seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song like the
Seasons have all gone

(if you didn't know already, that's what's written in the background of this layout.)

believe me

i used to have a little bit of a plan, a little bit of a concept of where i stand. you proved to me unintentionally that you'll self-destruct, eventually.

looking back

one year ago today, i posted an april fools' joke about me migrating to the states. in retrospect, i guess i probably shouldn't have done that. not because of the reactions i got (i actually loved the reactions, no offense) but because the aforementioned "fictional" scenario eventually turned into non-fiction. although, i doubt i would've ended up in this spot anyway, april fools' joke or not.

my next week is going to be jam-packed; i'm actually trying to juggle and figure it out. sleepover at jules's house is permanently from the 5th to the 7th in the morning (because of the damned report card distribution). but, i'm supposed to have a "date" with fozzy on the 5th, as it's probably her only free day. on top of all that, i'm scheduled for kumon starting from the 3rd to the 6th, as a desperate attempt to cram as much sessions as possible before i leave.

by next saturday i would probably be so drained. hey... i'm pretty much free on the holy week, with the obvious exceptions of thursday, friday, and saturday. (duh. lalo na sa sabado.)

as for the large-scale despedida plans, i don't know. nothing is being planned at the moment (i mean, i'm not planning anything... anymore) because i'm not really sure of attendance anyway.

we're having a garage sale from today until tomorrow. fun.