hey who's to say, you know i might have changed it all / post for allie

this morning allie and i, after our first periods and her cutting her second period, were musing about the direction our college lives are going. as of this moment, i'm failing my kas1 subject (can you believe failing both tests, the map test horribly and the first long exam by a margin - however the term is not over yet and there are still a number of things that can at least save me from a 5) and she's failing her math17 (which is a bigger problem because it's a major in her course). somehow i've decided to accept, with these kinds of grades, that i'm not shifting out sooner than i thought it would be. or maybe even not at all. or maybe shifting but not to the course i had planned to shift to. either way, it's a tough choice.

the thing is, we were musing about how we hated college because of all its pressures (on our oh so fragile first-year selves) and how we wanted to transfer to DLSU because at least, i had gotten in the course i applied for there. we then went from that to thinking about what the hell is gonna happen to our futures this way. strictly speaking and horribly cliched, i want my kids to not live how i'm living right now.

from that, we went to reminiscing about how we didn't have to work our asses off as hard in high school, about how i could sleep in ms. barcelona's class and she would still give me a grade enough to get a third honor, about how we never really had to lose limbs and minds all the damn time back then. what the hell happened? chua's supposedly a DL and we're here struggling the hell through first freaking sem.

i guess we learned a little late that this is, to blatantly steal a tired phrase, a whole new ballgame. this is not high school, my physics teacher isn't sir lasap, my math teacher isn't sir chavez, my english teacher isn't ms. denden. and you know what, it sucks, but who are we to do anything about that? we learned a little late that you're not supposed to just be sitting there when you have to do something.

however, luckily it isn't too late to learn that a completely rejuvenated hustle can still save you. it still could. it's not over.

though, i've yet to learn what i really really really REALLY want to do with this life of mine.

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