dementia paradox

i've discovered that i've been quite forgetful lately.

i think of something to do or say, but just distract me, throw me off-tangent even for a while and i lose it. "ano nga ulit yung sasabihin ko?" seems to be my new catchphrase. sure, i will get it back after a few seconds or minutes, but the mere fact that i forget what it was i wanted to do or say scares me. what if it worsens? what if i get alzheimer's when i grow old?

funny thing is that my brain allows me to reach far back into my childhood and deep into the recesses of my mind to dig up trivia, but i can't even remember what i was thinking about five seconds ago.

if i'm getting alzheimer's, i'd rather that it comes as an after-effect of 20-foot leaps, not something that's slowly taking over from out of nowhere. ah, well.