the pain doesn't hurt but it's really much worse than i thought

so the class lists are out. i ran through them over and over again, and i really can't find my name. some suggest that it's crossed out, but there's no name crossed out in the right place. i don't know. maybe noy knew enough not to list me anymore.

it hurts, when i think about it. it hurts because on june 5, everybody else will start their last first day of school, while i'm sitting around at home, rotting. my eyes begin to well up whenever i think about it. and come march 2007, everyone else that i know and love will graduate, while i rot, because i'll graduate in the year 2008.

it hurts enough to make me want to cry.

God, why must it be like this? i'm going to graduate with people i don't know and love as much as i do back at home. it's not the same.

i feel like there's someone for me to blame and hate for this.