roll call

if you're reading this, no matter who you are, please click on that comments link down there and state your name and a simple hi. thanks. :P please. it doesn't matter who you are; just say hi if you're reading this, whatever the purpose. thanks again.

the pain doesn't hurt but it's really much worse than i thought

so the class lists are out. i ran through them over and over again, and i really can't find my name. some suggest that it's crossed out, but there's no name crossed out in the right place. i don't know. maybe noy knew enough not to list me anymore.

it hurts, when i think about it. it hurts because on june 5, everybody else will start their last first day of school, while i'm sitting around at home, rotting. my eyes begin to well up whenever i think about it. and come march 2007, everyone else that i know and love will graduate, while i rot, because i'll graduate in the year 2008.

it hurts enough to make me want to cry.

God, why must it be like this? i'm going to graduate with people i don't know and love as much as i do back at home. it's not the same.

i feel like there's someone for me to blame and hate for this.

bad and good news

the bad news: i'm lonely and homesick.

the good news: i just saved money on car insurance! (yeah, you won't probably get it.)

i can breathe for the first time

it's been one of Sigmund Freud's theories that if you live your life with your anger all bottled up inside, not only will you die early, but you will have the tendency to become violent later in life. in this house, there is no way i can loudly release anger (by slamming doors and hitting walls) because quite frankly, it's contagious, especially with my high-tempered mother.

so i just stick with tekken. it's already proven in past occasions that if i'm playing tekken while i'm angry, i win more. especially against those warlords, conquerors, and tekken lords in the hard difficulty.

and it's also funny how going to church works.

well, maybe it really wasn't because of church itself, but probably because of my everlasting trait - i don't really get angry for a long time. but if i come to think about what made me angry in the first place, there i go again.

what really got me angry today is something i can't talk about for now. sorry. but i'm glad i did what i did before.

i can breathe for the first time

it's been one of Sigmund Freud's theories that if you live your life with your anger all bottled up inside, not only will you die early, but you will have the tendency to become violent later in life. in this house, there is no way i can loudly release anger (by slamming doors and hitting walls) because quite frankly, it's contagious, especially with my high-tempered mother.

so i just stick with tekken. it's already proven in past occasions that if i'm playing tekken while i'm angry, i win more. especially against those warlords, conquerors, and tekken lords in the hard difficulty.

and it's also funny how going to church works.

well, maybe it really wasn't because of church itself, but probably because of my everlasting trait - i don't really get angry for a long time. but if i come to think about what made me angry in the first place, there i go again.

what really got me angry today is something i can't talk about for now. sorry. but i'm glad i did what i did before.

goodbye, my friend, it's hard to die

to kick off my "five days of goodbye", here's a song that will serve as my "general goodbye" to those whom i will not say farewell specifically on my LJ.

seasons in the sun - nirvana

Goodbye to you my trusted friend
We´ve known each other since we
Were nine or ten
Together we´ve climbed hills and trees
Learned of love and abc´s
Skinned our hearts and
Skinned our knees

Goodbye my friend it´s hard to die
When all the birds are singing
In the sky
Now that spring is in the air
Pretty girls are everywhere
Think of me and I´ll be there

We had joy we had fun we had
Seasons in the sun
But the hills that we climbed were
Just seasons out of time

Goodbye Papa please pray for me
I was the black sheep of the family
You tried to teach me right from wrong
Too much wine and too much song
Wonder how I got along

Goodbye Papa it´s hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
Now that the spring is in the air
Little children everywhere
When you see them I´ll be there

We had joy we had fun we had
Seasons in the sun
But the wine and the songs like the
Seasons have all gone

We had joy we had fun we had
Seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song like
The seasons have all gone

Goodbye Michele my little one
You gave me love and helped
Me find the sun
And every time that I was down
You would always come around
And get my feet back on the ground

Goodbye Michele it´s hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
Now that the spring is in the air
With the flowers everywhere
I wish that we could both be there

We had joy we had fun we had
Seasons in the sun
But the hills that we climbed were
Just seasons out of time

We had joy we had fun we had
Seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song like the
Seasons have all gone

We had joy we had fun we had
Seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song like the
Seasons have all gone

We had joy we had fun we had
Seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song like the
Seasons have all gone

(if you didn't know already, that's what's written in the background of this layout.)

believe me

i used to have a little bit of a plan, a little bit of a concept of where i stand. you proved to me unintentionally that you'll self-destruct, eventually.

looking back

one year ago today, i posted an april fools' joke about me migrating to the states. in retrospect, i guess i probably shouldn't have done that. not because of the reactions i got (i actually loved the reactions, no offense) but because the aforementioned "fictional" scenario eventually turned into non-fiction. although, i doubt i would've ended up in this spot anyway, april fools' joke or not.

my next week is going to be jam-packed; i'm actually trying to juggle and figure it out. sleepover at jules's house is permanently from the 5th to the 7th in the morning (because of the damned report card distribution). but, i'm supposed to have a "date" with fozzy on the 5th, as it's probably her only free day. on top of all that, i'm scheduled for kumon starting from the 3rd to the 6th, as a desperate attempt to cram as much sessions as possible before i leave.

by next saturday i would probably be so drained. hey... i'm pretty much free on the holy week, with the obvious exceptions of thursday, friday, and saturday. (duh. lalo na sa sabado.)

as for the large-scale despedida plans, i don't know. nothing is being planned at the moment (i mean, i'm not planning anything... anymore) because i'm not really sure of attendance anyway.

we're having a garage sale from today until tomorrow. fun.

remember kids, this blog is good for a 1024x768 resolution only

...because i am an intermediate html programmer.

yesterday's party was something quite unexpected. i digested massive amounts of food and drink - think about it, capitalizing on two mcdonald's drumsticks - but i never got to touch the gonuts. i think i was too busy with the main course to bother with dessert.

i won't be able to attend friday's outing because of the s-b party. so many gatherings, so little left of two weeks.

after said party, jules, bea, johann, and i went to town to watch she's the man (we had four free movie passes courtesy of jules and we wanted to laugh. we couldn't use it on nanny mcphee, so we had no choice.) i like the movie - amanda is really mature, although i have to say that she is sort of treading the anne hathaway road, but that's really just fine with me. :D

you can take that statement from me as a 'you should really watch this movie'. i mean, you really should. it's white chicks, switching roles.

after one school year...

...i get myself a new layout!

it's not as complicated as the old one, because there's only one div layer here, and you're basically reading it.

sorry if i happen to offend anyone [who is linked] by removing the links. :) whoever you are, i still love you :)

theatre etiquette / the last friday of my life

what's with juicyfruiter.blogspot.com? it looks rather innocent but it's so suspicious to me. i mean, why do spammers spam links to a forest ranger's blog?

anyway.

i'm guessing everyone who was present at the turnover ceremonies witnessed sweet spot's performance and were aware of the bit of controversy surrounding it. let me just say that ms. telen had no right to interrupt agi that time, specifically in the middle of his performance.

i'm not saying that she had no right to get angry at him (though i believe it was not reason enough; it's just agi's traditional showmanship, for god's sake) - but she should've waited until after the song or the performance itself to tell him off. you don't see a stage manager going onstage and reprimanding the actor because he forgot his lines in the middle of the show.

i have to say that i actually thought better of ms. telen until now. her act has offended the stage performer in me.

anyway, i heard agi was actually suspended?

really shameless plugs

i was watching the news while eating dinner when they showed a news report about a tsunami scare over in nasugbu, batangas. my thoughts were, "how could people be so gullible and stupid?", as the report went on.

but that's not the good part.

it was learned that the mass scare came after they heard arnold clavio, who is that fat guy with his very own puppet over at the rival station, report that the said tsunami was supposedly going to happen today. seeing the chance, i guess good old ABS-CBN went for the upper hand and went for a little self-promotion as they got the townspeople to say on camera that they were all kapamilya, and proud of it.

such good journalism.

sacrifice is a state of mind

lately people have been making 'sacrifices'. sacrifice meat, sacrifice dota, sacrifice chocolate or whatever. you may have purely good intentions or whatever, but all these sacrifices strike me suspicious. i, for one, am not going to sacrifice anything, because my view of religion is rather 'free' - i don't bind myself to the exact written law, but i have full sense of what is right and what is wrong.

i can sense now that you're thinking, "not sacrificing something for lent is wrong, you dotard."

yeah, maybe. i mean, it is pretty unfair for me not to sacrifice something in repayment for christ's death. but lately, with the last few sacrifice declarations i've seen, it seems that this is slowly becoming a trend.

maybe i'm speaking too soon here, but please spare me my ego. let me refer to the parable of the pharisee and the tax collector. wasn't it that the tax collector who kept quiet and prayed the simple prayer got the favor from God, over the pharisee who was praying as loud and as eloquently as martin luther king, jr.? it might sound cynical to you, but that's sort of what i'm seeing now. one person declares that they're sacrificing whatever (out of sincere expression, probably) and then another person declares their sacrifice, until one by one the pharisees emerge.

maybe i'm thinking way too much outside the box or my method of thinking is just plain warped. maybe it's because i'm not the strictest catholic in the drawer. i believe that sacrifice and abstinence are just a state of mind.

with that, i now let the flames rain, the flak shoot, and the stones thrown.

but then we grew old

yesterday i was busy doing classwork when these two kids, a boy and a girl, were busy arguing with each other. eventually their topic came around to "girl conversations", which the boy described as "plans to destroy us". with that, i laughed.

i guess it's not surprising to say that almost everyone my age went through this as a child. "girls" and "cooties" or "germs" would be mentioned in the same breath, and same goes for "boys". touching someone of the opposite gender seems to be the only way of transferring a imaginary disease, and it would be some kind of mad leprosy that not one of your friends would want to make contact with you from then on. such wars would be represented in kids' games such as tag, cops and robbers, or whatnot.

for some reason, i miss those days.

of course that's not to say that i miss feuding with the opposite sex. it's just that i want to go back to the time of childhood games and nonsense. life is too stressful as a teenager (as much as i hate referring to myself as one). it is funny how we wish to be old while we're young and wish to be young when we're old. life is crazy, ain't it?

exactly what the fuck?

twenty years ago, the country changed for the better. today, it is on its way to hell.

classes were suspended today due to a coup d'etat threat. right now rallies and riots are going on in manila (while RAW is happily going on, i'm glad to say) because apparently the masses still don't like GMA.

but i ask you rallyists: who do you have? who's your secret tech? how could you possibly replace the only decent president we're having?

the economy was slowly stabilizing with GMA. your rallies begin to ruin that, starting from the continuous drop of the peso's rates. if ever you do find a suitable replacement, that person will be subject to huge speculation and criticism due to GMA's overthrowing.

please, don't do it. if you absolutely hate the woman, let her term die the natural death, because it shows that she's really dead set on bringing the country up from the ashes. if you claim to love this country a lot and hate the president, leave her be and just don't vote for her if she runs in the next election. nothing right will ever come out of this.

there's gotta be a way

someone left a very well thought-out comment concerning the previous post. i love well thought-out comments. they're rather rare, so i wanna take the time to respond.

stupidity... ignorance... being in imbecile... sure, i've heard them all before. shrugged them off, actually, because not one person has ever bothered to mention them in the same breath as a smart comment, until now.

anyway. i did see the potential of my opinions garnering heel heat - especially discriminating "underprivileged" people like that.

in fact, i agree with what you have said - that is, that it is mostly the government's fault for this massive mob that gathered for a chance of hitting it big. that the government did nothing to alleviate poverty. yes, i agree. i might not have implied it in my previous post, but that side has come to my attention ever since and i agree with it.

but - yes, there is a but - they were led on by, i don't know, 50-70% false hope, and killed by the misconduct caused by the same false hope.

i understand that they are not just the ones to blame, but most people have so much sympathy for them to overlook the idea of blaming them, at least just to a lesser extent.

good evening.

death day afternoon

if you don't know already, here's what happened today: instead of a bomb scare over in town (which happens to be the sole reason on why i'm not out with a certain someone when i should be), a stampede over in the ultra/philsports arena killed 73 people and injured 200+ more. the sad part is, it's because of wowowee's first anniversary. and you all know how i am with wowowee.

as stampedes go, they are bound to leave people bloodied, bruised, and ultimately dead. just ask mufasa. my stand on this issue is that papi or abs-cbn is not to be majorly blamed for it. it was not their fault that this happened, though i will not deny that such a popular noontime show that draws a lot of people (and also on its very first anniversary) will cause some sort of chaos.

the real fault goes to the audience itself. demographics show that there are more "unprivileged" people than "privileged" in the audience. since the show is tailor-made for the "unprivileged" rabble, stakes are high and the prizes are to die for. (okay, bad pun.) these same people were disorderly - push ultimately came to shove, and i heard that someone shouted "bomba", which aggravated the issue and started the stampede.

now if there were more "privileged" people in the audience, or if the audience were comprised of 100% "privileged people", i doubt that something like this wouldn't have happened. yes, i'm implying what i am implying - "privileged" people are more, shall we say, "civilized". now, i'm not drawing heat - everyone was pushing and shoving just to get in the arena.

the irony of potential ironies might be that people will sue abs-cbn. they will sue abs-cbn and/or papi for organizing such a clogged event, while abs-cbn and/or papi was just trying to help out, and the people willfully went to the event anyway. now if they do actually sue abs-cbn, they're aiming their anger at the wrong people - they should be complaining to the management of the arena. the entertainment company was just using the place; abs-cbn is not to blame when the arena doesn't meet safety standards.

still, my point stands strong for all to see: it was [more of] the public's fault, they brought this on themselves, they could've been a lot more orderly. i will not deny, however, that none of them deserved to die.

condolences to the innocent deaths that occurred today.

there is a fine line between a swindler and eddie guerrero

eddie cheats for laughs.

we just got our jerseys, and to be perfectly honest, they look like shit. shit, like the guy who had them made for us. (if you want some, come get some. you're the one in the wrong anyway.)

this is still rumor status, but we have backing evidence anyway. so mr. assclown here collects P300 from each of us for the jersey. so we said, fine. we pay 300. then we get the said jerseys today, and let me tell you, they look like crap. honestly. not just that, but mistakes in the manufacturing themselves. girls have shirts and guys have sandos - it's supposed to be that way, but some guys got shirts and some girls got sandos. and the quality is crap.

that's not the bad part.

nay, i say. i haven't touched on the bad part yet.

the true "rumor" of this is that chio heard from anne that P300 was not the real price of the jersey, but maybe somewhere along the lines of P200. with quality like that, i'd have to agree. so that means mr. rude-as-hell assclown here gets P100 for himself, for every person that paid for the jersey. and we're 38 in the class.

he also said he's going to be absent tomorrow to go buy himself a prom suit.

when we do confirm that this is true, you better run. and fast.

starbucks

after seeing chio's starbucks planner, i suddenly became so interested. :))

anyway that strawberry and cream was so good. bitz and i bonded after chio and mona left - i never knew that bitz had quite an amazing summer.

angelic... we need to go to starbucks.

conversations part two

i don't know what score i got in the speech, but i can easily summarize it like this: i delivered pretty well, but the speech itself (content-wise) was what brought me down. quoting noy, the focus was a bit shaky.

what the audience (and maybe noy himself) didn't perceive at first (but my lovely vena did already) is that death-row prisoners are offshoots of prisoners, which are underprivileged people themselves. ah well, i've been known to write speeches that stray off-topic more often than not; see my talumpati's first criticisms by mama. i think i'm better off delivering a speech i didn't write.

"what makes you think i don't love you? ...i finally admitted that to myself."

"well, sir cortel taught me to doubt a lot."

"ah, yes. therefore, you exist."

"aren't you glad that i do?"

"hahaha. yep."