at its very worst

i never thought my once-beloved campus radio could go lower than it already is.

before its format change, it used to play 70% crap and 30% good stuff. hell, before that it used to play 70% good stuff and 30% crap, and it always redeemed itself with retro jam every sunday.

now, look! it has conformed with the other horrible-as-hell radio stations. where abs-cbn was weak with its godforsaken 101.9, gma was once strong with its halfway decent top 40-format radio station. conforming to the "masa" genre does not do anything good for gma's output quality, which abs-cbn already rules over TV with.

so please, SIGN THIS PETITION! help bring back the glory that was once campus radio. we don't need another sorry excuse for a radio station.

on the other hand, why don't we have a classic rock station?

why in the hell did i jump?

it's been almost a year, but up to now, i still don't know why in the hell i jumped. maybe i was young and stupid. maybe i was desperate. maybe there was an actual, genuine spark.

whatever it was, i'm still not sure, and i still kick myself for it.

if i can't have it all, just a taste will do

one of my candy-coated weaknesses, along with my steadfast loyalty to any of my friends and my natural amiability, is my utmost desire to make the most out of every day. i believe that while you're unconscious (i.e. sleeping), you're missing out on a lot. i agree with what gliza said about sleeping early being unproductive, and that is the reason why staying up late became a habit of mine (started around my grade school graduation when i discovered chatting). since then, i feel a tinge of regret whenever i take a nap and wake up to find that three or more hours have passed (however, lately i find that a good thing due to my lack of sleep).

this is why i feel bad whenever i'm left out of something i could've been in. this is why i was so torn up between going to father and son or the lsyc retreat when both were still scheduled for the same weekend (though i cannot go to camp anymore since the schedule cannot permit us). this is why i felt bad when i heard leiron's adventures at the hotel while i was sleeping.

when you look at it closely, this kind of thing is annoyingly shallow. there is usually no point worrying about spilled milk; it just shows that i tend to think a lot about what could've been, only denying or even patronizing my own inaction - which is, in itself, not good.

maybe i just don't get my fair share of "memz lolz"? but i get a lot already, don't i? what the hell is wrong with me? maybe i'm just trying to run away from all the bad of the world by making up for it with the good.

however, that can only happen in a perfect world. you and i know that this world is far from perfect.

why falling in love is so goddamn hard

after days of deserved incessant prodding from suji, i finally wrote another article for the damned cl magazine, about romantic love. for some reason, i went about writing the article in the writing style i had when i came back from the states (which i was praised for in the retreat and which i seemed to have lost over time). just thought i'd share it with you.

The Trouble With Love Is…

It’s already February, and the scenario is unsurprisingly common in the month of love; a guy or girl “falls” head over heels “in love” with someone who is hopefully of the opposite sex, goes to great lengths to win that person over, and depending on Cupid’s mood, either gets the ending he/she wants or ends up dumbfounded in the middle of the street. Now, assuming that said person got the “bad ending”, he or she will easily dismiss it and forget his or her object of affection the next day, as if he or she did not go through anything at all.

This is where the most important question of a hormonal adolescent comes up into the equation: where does one draw the line between infatuation and true love?

It’s all too common to see teenagers declaring their “love” for another, and rather rare to see people acknowledging infatuation itself. Most get so wrapped up in their own emotions and passion that it automatically registers as love love in their psyches, but will find out soon enough that it isn’t the case, usually after when that infatuation fades away quickly as it came.

So where does one draw the line? Is it when one’s emotions for someone transcend the barrier of stomach butterfly-inducing looks? Is it when one is willing to look past faults that would usually make another person turn his head the other way? Whatever it is, most young people don’t know what it is – but they should know, and while they don’t, they will continually make a fool of themselves saying that they are “deeply in love” with someone when they are a few cards short of love’s full deck.

So what should one do?

The solution to that is actually a really simple one: stop, think, and take small steps. In a normal situation, no one is forcing anyone to have a relationship or anything – it’s all in the head. Once one starts thinking and reevaluating his or her true intent, he or she might find that his or her feelings of “deep romantic love” may actually lack the conviction it needs.

Now, if anyone who’s “madly in love” would actually take the time and do this, we’d have lesser love problems in the world