re: connect

got dragged by the dark one to an impromptu trick-or-treating session at pishy's house. naturally, everyone who is anyone who hung out at the gazebo during senior year (except asha, BOO) were there. i haven't seen them in a while, too. i did have fun, though something was amiss, but that's a story for another day.

anyway, i had to leave early to fetch justin. as i was saying my goodbyes to my long-lost friends, i had a short exchange with steph. i basically blurted out that i will see them again soon (naturally, i was uncertain when "soon" actually was in my calendar) and she quickly retorted with, "when is soon? next year?"

immediately i felt a dull pang. dull, but it was there. dull because i knew i would eventually get around to reflecting on it later.

was it really that bad? i suppose it was. i still feel guilty. i kind of felt the frustration in steph's voice as she said it. however, you can't really blame me - it's not easy to maintain high school bonds when there are two el train lines separating colleges where most of the people you grew up with chose to go. now that my mother's not teaching in taft anymore i have less reason to go to taft, unlike last year when i was there nearly as much as i was in UP.

however, this is the risk we all understood by graduating in the first place. we may not have accepted it, but it's there. we will get pulled in separate directions. that doesn't mean we can't see each other again, but the chance goes down like mercury in the north pole. maybe i was just guilty that i didn't actively try and connect with them again. one thing is for sure, though - it was still good seeing everybody again.

as for "soon," well, only fate knows when that is. never despair; it will happen. we just don't know when, but rejoice in the fact that it will happen.

what to do when either goes wrong

i feel a little guilty now. it's sembreak and naturally, the 'birds are restless. leiron has gotten back in the dota groove thanks to his bandmates, and now he's done nothing this sembreak but ask us to play. i can't blame him, though. it's all i can do to help save myself from boredom and get me some much needed camaraderie (college can suck that right out of your life). just so happens we just had two good games, which so happened to get rid of my headache. (food for thought.)

i feel guilty because in the process, i had to unintentionally ignore angelica. well, this is the kind of thing that helped kill my last real relationship, no doubt. and leiron's, too. i suppose boys will be boys. human nature can be blamed, but it's never a good excuse. it never is. the fault will lie on we who fall into temptation.

i guess we'll just have to run with the next time promise. i probably owe somebody a few more kisses. :))

ain't gettin' no younger, might as well do it

this is an official scan of the essay i wrote for the SATs. i just remembered that i can't really let you in on the question (it's in the rules) but i'm pretty sure you can get an idea just by reading the essay. it got me a score of 8, out of a perfect score of 12, with two raters each giving me a score of 4 (naturally, out of a perfect 6). apologies for the unusually unruly penmanship, i was wielding a trusty yet slightly alien #2 pencil.

the topic of my SATs came from a little minor discussion on a forum i habit - you can say they were trying to up each other's scores (so far no one has topped my 1800) so i went back to good ol' collegeboard.com and after overcoming minor amnesia with regards to my password (forgot that i needed to use a number) i saw my scores, and to my amusement, scans of my essay, which you can see up there. i was tremendously amused, although i have this nagging feeling that i've already seen it before, because it brought back memories of that cold december morning in brent mamplasan, where i took the SATs with a bunch of foreign kids. oh, and mel aka lisa. familiar faces always bring relief.

my hopes of the SAT scores still being of some use are still up. it does feel kinda cool and special (the non-retarded kind) to be part of a group of few people here in this country, a land of college-specific entrance exams, who can say that they actually have internationally-recognized scores to boast.

good mornin'.

tonight, out in the street, out on the moonlight

'bout time i raised this guy from the dead, new threads, and all.

it's 1:15 in the morning now and i know i should be asleep, but i just had the craziest idea to revive this. i'm kind of lax on the blogging side now and i think i need an out again. so here i am, reviving this after nine months of inactivity. i only hope that i can keep updating this again - if i do, i'll personally go on a viral ad campaign to re-promote this.

so the homies got together on the on-line side to play some dota. good stuff - took me back to summer of 2006 where the dark one and i would just stay up late (in our respective timezones; there was a 13-hour difference that time) to just practice, practice, practice. actually, he did most of the staying up - while he was up late over here, i was spending it as a fine chicago early afternoon. either way; good stuff. nostalgic. it's been a while since my last true nostalgia kick.

then we wound down with a couple of rounds in the melee. that took me way even further back to 2002. i don't know why, but i love this year, musically at least. it was my personal peak year of the radio. good music, if a little cheesy. warcraft 3 was new, and i, no, we milked it for all it was worth. an amalgam of visual, auditory, and bodily experiences. it's unexplainable, you just had to be there. you just had to be me. you just had to be confined in a hospital for five days and playing warcraft while you were recuperating back home. i don't know, it was a weird yet great experience. something in my brain must've been affected by the dengue.

this is it for now. i'm not in a right state of mind. i miss my angelica.

i promise, my writing shall improve as i go on restoring this (or at least, attempting to) to its former glory. ;)

----------------
Now playing: Nickelback - Gotta Be Somebody
via FoxyTunes